Thankful For You, Guy Who Made Felicity

In order, here were my thoughts while watching Star Trek Into Darkness:

  • Jesus pose before the 15-minute mark (some kind of record).
  • Really uncomfortable how the aliens are portrayed as stereotypes of various indigenous peoples. Hope we don’t see anything similar or worse in the rest of the movie.
  • Benedict Cumberbatch not only has the most ridiculous name in English history, but the most ridiculous voice, as well.
  • Damon Lindelof must’ve given himself a high five when describing how the tail Kirk gets actually have tails.
  • The movie has fond recollections of the oh-so-distant events of the previous movie.
  • Interesting it’s Kirk who notices protocol before everyone else, despite being the swinging dick bad boy of the Federation.
  • I thought Tucker Stone was exaggerating when he talked about everyone’s wacky accents in this movie, but nope he was just accurate.
  • Why does Simon Pegg look like a mound of starch in this movie?
  • Anyone else think it was weird in the trailer how Kirk says “Let’s go get this son of a bitch” twice within seconds? There’s only slightly more space in the movie.
  • Anton Yelchin looking horrified at the prospect of wearing a red shirt. So dumb.
  • Okay, so the Klingons are Predators.
  • And they’re scary black men.
  • Who get slaughtered by a white man.
  • The Dark Knight scene where Joker is in a cell.
  • Gratuitous underwear scene.
  • So, Khan stuffed his buddies into torpedoes which were intended to be fired at the Predators? And got mad the guy he designed them for…had them? So mad he…helped with the plan to start a war? Maybe it would be better if you just stopped explaining, Benedict Cumberbatch. You’re just making things worse.
  • I’m glad Peter Weller is getting work…
  • Lens flare? More like lens glare!
  • “Hey, Dad, I know you already killed a bunch of people–many of whom were sucked into the blackness of space–but you wouldn’t kill all these innocent people, right?”
  • “Nah, I totally would.”
  • J.J. Abrams must’ve thought fans would have simultaneous orgasms at Kirk and Khan teaming up.
  • Gratuitous Leonard Nimoy scene.
  • Typical action-movie-hostage-trade-bullshit.
  • Ya know what would’ve improved Spock’s death in Wrath of Khan? If it were Kirk instead and it went on for five years.
  • Also an improvement on Wrath of Khan death scene: undoing it like a minute later.
  • Wasn’t the plot supposed to revolve around an attempt to start a war with the Predators? How come they were only in one scene in the movie?
  • I’ve given up.
  • Spock punched Khan a few times. He’s more manly than Kirk now.
  • Oh, good, it’s over.
  • Wait, did Zoe Saldana do anything in this movie?

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